EVERYTHING'S FINE

 

What kind of emotion do you feel when you look at this picture?

My emotion is regret.  Especially on a fall day, with the wind whispering around the eaves, and the smell of rain, just a promise on mother nature's lips. 

A room full of books, a single lamp trying to disperse the shadows lurking in the corners, their dark tentacles creeping forward, ready to grab the light and draw it closer. 

My past life, clawing at the edge of my memories, attempting to change what's written there. Then, slowly realizing there is nothing I can change no matter how hard I try.

My eyes drift back to the racks and racks of books. Some of them carry memories like mine, while others carry adventures missed. The dim light reminds me of the waning time I have left. 

Sorry, didn't mean to be a Debbie Downer today. It's just the way life is. Sometimes, you have to let it all out.

As I close this letter to myself, I vow to use my time wisely and perhaps something new and exciting will come my way. Or something old will wiggle my thoughts to let me know I had more fun in this life than I realize.

EVERYTHING'S FINE

             I Fall to Pieces

The season is upon us. How do you feel about it? Are you an obnoxious pumpkin spice lover. A sweater and plaid wearing fool?  A drunk football tailgater? Do you own shares in a pumpkin patch, corn maze, hay riding farm? Do you love seeing frost on your pumpkin? Do you love the leaves falling, making a mess?

In case you haven't figured it out yet, I hate fall. Give me a hot summer day with a glass of iced tea in my hand. I can hear you all shaking your heads. "She must be crazy." But as Sheldon would say, "No. My mom had me tested." (Not really. I just love that line.)

Fall, to me, is the beginning of winter. And I really HATE winter. I still have bad memories of the 2007 Great Ice Storm. Look it up. https://www.weather.gov/sgf/events_2007jan12

So, you guys can keep your sweaters and pumpkin spice, and I will put another blanket over me and pray for a short winter.

EVERYTHING'S FINE

 

I'm not a social butterfly. I do not enjoy meeting people. I cringed every time I had to put on a "hello" nametag at some company function I was forced to attend. Siting at the lunch table, making small talk with people I would never see again, choking down some dry chicken. Not what I call fun. I was always the first to leave, making some lame excuse like "I need to study the handout material".

 

 I like the friends I have, and I don't need any more. I am an only child, raised in the country. I learned early on to enjoy my own company. We seldom attended church and my parents both worked so they rarely socialized. Holidays with aunts, uncles, and cousins I didn't really know, was about it.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not complaining. Being an only child has its perks. I really cleaned up at Christmas. 😊

My son is always urging me to get out of my room, meet people and participate in the activities they have planned every day. I tried Bingo. No thanks. Nothing like a bunch of nearly deaf old people, with poor eyesight, trying to play bingo, to ruin a perfectly good napping day.

 Luckily, my son has mostly given up trying to make me socialize. If I ever get lonely, I have the aides

leave my door open so I can hear others making noise.

I'm retired. I deserve to do what makes me happy. None of which include being social.