Friday, September 17, 2021

FRIDAY STIR FRY - Another Story From The Hood


I've missed posting the last couple of weeks. Why? Well, since I retired, I lose track of my days. They all just kind of melt into each other. Usually by Sunday I realize I missed Friday somehow. Today I remembered what day it is. Congrats brain. Anyway, here's another story from the hood where I used to live. 

One night after dinner and a couple beers at my favorite watering hole, I pulled into my driveway. My headlights illuminated what appeared to be somebody sleeping on my front porch. I always entered my house by the back door, so I got in safely. I cracked open my front door and sure enough some guy was laying on my porch. He had his head propped up against my storm door like it was a headboard. I closed the door and called 911. 

"What's your emergency?"
"There is a man sleeping on my front porch."
"Is he breathing?"
"I don't know." 
"Is he bleeding?" 
"I don't know and I'm not going to check."

I lived just a block from an ambulance station so that's who they sent. I cracked my door again so I could listen. They shone a spotlight on him and shook his shoulder. 

"Hey man. Wake up."
"Leave me alone. I'm tired."
"I understand you're tired, but you are trespassing on somebody's property. You can't stay here."
He slowly sat up and a beer can rolled off him onto the porch.

"How many beers have you had?"
"Just a couple."
"Uh huh," the other attendant muttered.

He shielded his eyes from the spotlight still shining on him.
Now, it just so happened the television show COPS was filming in my town.
"Am I gonna be on COPS?" He sounded rather excited. 
The ambulance attendants could barely stifle their laughter. I covered my mouth because I had to giggle.

"No man, you're not going to be on COPS. You need to get up and move on down the road."

"Okay, okay. Where's the nearest Brown Derby, man?" (that is one of our area liquor stores and one was located a block away - which was one of the reasons my street was so popular with boogins) The ambulance attendants gleefully told him where it was.

He stumbled down the street, probably to find another porch to sleep on. I doubt if he had money for more beer. 

I sure miss the hood.


Friday, August 27, 2021

FRIDAY STIR FRY: Inspiration


Last week I mentioned in my post that I use to live in a crappy neighborhood. 

I miss that place.

As a writer, inspiration  comes in many forms. That neighborhood was full of stories. I had low windows so I could see out them while sitting in my recliner. And man the things I saw. The windows in my new place are higher so sadly, I don't see as much stuff. 

I've decided to share some of the shenanigans I saw at my old place on this blog. 

This first one involves the people directly across the street from me. (many of my stories will involve them)

This family consisted of an older couple and their early 20ish son who had an anger problem. One day I heard the son yelling at his mother to give him the keys to the car they all shared. She apparently was refusing. He came outside and slammed the storm door over and over until it came off its hinges, all the while yelling at her to give him the keys. She still refused. He then proceeded to go around the house beating on the windows. 

He went to the back porch and hit that storm door window until it shattered. He was barefoot. Not good. A neighbor, apparently fed up with the yelling, called the police. I would never do that. I was having too much fun. The police called an ambulance to treat his many cuts. He refused their help, all the while still yelling at his mother to give him the keys.  

And guess what? When it was all over, she gave him the keys. Way to go mom. 

Friday, August 20, 2021


I don't like air conditioning. 

I grew up without it and I'm a summer person. I like it hot. For the past 17 years I rented an older house in a crappy neighborhood and it didn't have central air or heat or even a window unit. And I was fine. I enjoyed opening my windows in the spring, letting in the fresh air. I had a couple of ceiling fans and window fans. I worked in air conditioning during the hot part of the day. If the heat was unbearable during the weekends, I would go hang out at Panera Bread or the Library. And it really never stayed unbearably hot for too many days in a row. 

I really never worried about having my windows open until the last few years. The neighborhood was going downhill with lots of homeless people wandering around and several shootings. And I'm pretty sure my son wasn't happy with the situation. 

Last year, my landlord (an elderly lady), told me she wasn't going to be able to rent anymore. So, I started looking for a new place. 

My new apartment is great and it has air. Because I am getting on in years, I appreciate it more than I use to. This old body doesn't handle heat as well as it once did. But, be warned. You will probably be sweating if you come visit. I keep it on 80 degrees. 

I really, really can't stand being cold.