FRIDAY STIR FRY - Writing and Worry

Recently, a fellow writer friend asked me if I was okay because I hadn't been posting on this blog. Bless her heart. I told her I was tired and the political climate right now had me upset. Perhaps you are thinking what does that have to do with writing? Well, as long as I'm worried about my future – when can I retire, will Social Security be there, and what about health insurance – it is difficult to think of anything to write. Inspiration is hard to come by when you are mired in a cloud of doubt. I guess I really shouldn't worry. Trump will probably get us all blown up anyway.

I did sign up for April Camp NaNo. My intent is to finish the first draft of my second book. But first I needed to read through what I've written so far. I had to get back into the character's heads and remind myself of what I'd plotted out and decide where I need to go. I should finish reading it today. Here's to hoping I can put aside my worries long enough to return to my true passion – writing a story.   

And on a bright note, a co-worker read my book Beyond The Horizon and LOVED IT! Made me very happy. 

FRIDAY STIR FRY - Another Year Older

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Yep, another birthday came and went. I guess I should be happy to see another one considering my age which is ... let's just say older than dirt.

Best part about the day? My employer gives it off with pay. Yea!

I didn't do much. Watched oldie tv - Perry Mason and Matlock. Took a nap (because that's what old people do). And then went to my hangout for a free beer. I was in bed by eight o'clock. Exciting right? Bet you all are so jealous.

My son shipped me some items off my Amazon wish list, so I got stuff I needed and wanted. Good boy! Other than that, it was an ordinary day. No cake, no balloons, no fireworks. I do enjoy a good fireworks show but alas it wasn't to be.

Today, I'm writing, which is a good thing. No hangover like in my younger days. So, maybe I am not only older, but wiser.

FRIDAY STIR FRY - Writing Is Hard (or is it?)

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No, writing is not like digging ditches hard. Your life isn't on the line like a police officer's every time you sit down to write. There isn't a dangerous flame licking at you like it does a firefighter.

It's brain hard. Trying to come up with the right word, the perfect twist, the heroine's snarky comeback. And that's just the creative phase. Then you have the edits and the edits and the edits.

Sometimes it's hard just to get started whether you're in the middle of a story or the beginning. The fear of failure can seize your brain power and make it impossible to come up with even one word let alone a whole page.

Then (and this is the magic part), other times the words flow out your fingers like a rushing mountain stream. Nothing gets in the way and the exhilaration you feel has no equal. This is what keeps us coming back. What wakes us up in the morning and keeps us up late into the night. This is the joy of writing.

Wouldn't it be nice if we could bottle that feeling up and just pour it out when the writing becomes hard?

FRIDAY STIR FRY - On Saturday

I don't know what to write. That seems to be a pattern with me lately. Thus this blog is a day late - actually several weeks late. So, since I have no clue what to write about - I'm just going to give you an excerpt from my current WIP - Coming Home. Hope you like it.

“Ron,” Jennifer's voice trembled in her ears. “It’s good to see you.” She squeezed the lie out between her teeth as she slung her bag over her shoulder. “I heard somebody bought the Satellite. I didn’t realize it was you.”

“Yep, signed the papers about three months ago.” His smile faded. “Sorry to hear about your mom, Jenny.”

“Thanks.”  Jennifer realized she was going to have to get used to hearing that sentiment for the next few days.

Ron held the motel office door open and motioned her in. “I've got big plans for this place. Of course there is still got a lot of work to do. You'll be happy to know I started by replacing the mattresses.”

"That's reassuring." She felt a sour taste in her mouth. Heat flooded her cheeks as she remembered the last time she was here ... prom night … with Ron, on a lumpy, broken down mattress. Did he mean to reference that night or was it an innocent comment?

He cleared his throat and she noticed a blush cross his cheeks matching her discomfort. “Do you know how long you’re staying.”

“Not really." She shrugged. "As few days as possible but, this is my first time dealing with anything like this, so who knows?"

Ron reached for her hand, then pulled back. "Wow. Is that what I think it is?"

Jennifer fidgeted with the lose ring wishing she'd taken it off before coming to town. "Yes." Her voice sounded faint and far away.

“So where is the lucky guy?" Ron craned his neck to look around her out the windows.

"He had some business to finish up. He should be here in a day or two."

“Must be a rich man to afford something that big and shiny. Looks like you did okay for yourself in the big city."

Something in the tone of his voice made her gut clench. “I did okay for myself by working hard, not by gold digging if that's what you're insinuating.”

Ron cleared his throat. “Sorry. I guess that came out wrong. How about we start over and I'll try to keep my foot out of my mouth." He handed her a pen and registration card. "Welcome to the Satellite Motel. I hope you'll enjoy your stay."

Start over. There's no starting over when somebody you trust hurts you. Jennifer grabbed the pen, scribbled her information down and reached for her wallet. She felt the need to get away from him before things got any weirder.

FRIDAY STIR FRY - Break Is Over

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No, unfortunately it wasn't that kind of break. I wish it was. Doesn't that look wonderful? My break was neither fun or glamorous. 

First of all, I took a writing break. I don't know why. It wasn't planned. I lost my muse or my inspiration, or my desire. I think it had something to do with my work in progress which has been in progress for several years now. And it's not progressing. I think I stopped caring. I started doubting I would ever finish it or any other book. 

Secondly, I haven't felt well. In fact, I ended up in the hospital for five days. And, everyone knows that is not a fun vacation. And now I'm coping with medication and doctor visits and it sucks. But, this has also made me realize there is no promise of tomorrow. I need to follow my dream today. Nobody is going to write that book for me. And I will never be a best selling author with just one book out there.

Third - my writing groups have gotten on my last nerve - which is not a good sign. Demands on my time, disagreements and less than inspiring speakers have killed my desire to go to the meetings. I used to love these groups and wouldn't dream of missing them. Now, I'm not sure they are worth my time.   

Or, maybe, it was just the winter blues. Cold weather and lack of sunshine puts me in a fowl mood. Now that Spring is here, I'm feeling the need to write again. Starting with this blog. No more slacking off. I am a writer. 

FRIDAY STIR FRY - Been Too Long

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Wow, I haven't posted anything in a month. Not a good start to the new year. Sorry if I've disappointed any of my many fans. ;-)

I don't make resolutions, but I am hoping to accomplish some things this year. Just making it through another winter is one. I really hate winter. I'm not a cold weather person. I don't think snow is pretty. I've actually feared winter ever since we had a horrific ice storm in 2007. I was out of power for 2 weeks and had to scramble to find places to stay. Not fun. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. Well, maybe one.

I want to make writing a top priority this year. Not just something I do when I have the time, Because, really, when is there ever enough time? And the older I get, the more I realize time is slipping away at an alarming rate of speed. It's like I can hear the seconds, minutes, and hours tick off. The hourglass is getting low Dorothy and the monkeys are waiting to tear you apart limb by limb.

Damn monkeys.

FRIDAY STIR FRY - Epic Fail

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Well, I gave up on NaNo - again.

I just couldn't keep up. I don't have the energy I had ten years ago when I first did NaNo. And, I don't think I have as many functioning brain cells as I did back then.

I tried getting up early to write before work. I managed that a few days, but my brain just wouldn't function that early. I tried writing at work, but then damn work would get in the way. I tried writing as soon as I got home from work, but again, my brain just wouldn't cooperate. After dealing with stupid people all day, my mind didn't want to deal with my stupid characters. And I found myself resenting having to write all weekend to catch up.

So, I quit.

But, on the bright side, I managed almost 20,000 words. Some of them are good, others are headed to the recycle bin. So, thanks NaNo for that.

FRIDAY STIR FRY - I'm With Stupid

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Okay, picture my doppelganger standing next to me and we each have that stupid tee shirt on pointing at each other. That would be me this month. Or like those mountain goats, I made a decision I probably shouldn't have.

Some of you may have noticed I didn't post last week. At least I hope you noticed. The reason - I jumped into the NaNo madness. Yep, I decided to try again to write 50,000 words in 30 days. Ugghhh. I wish somebody had stopped me.

Folks, it is hard. Especially when you are old, your arthritis acts up, work sucks and so does your novel. And you are also on a time limit to complete a hand quilted baby blanket.

The first week was okay. I managed to keep up on word count. But, day 10 I faltered. Didn't feel good. Had to take a pain pill and fell behind. I'm still behind even though I had Veteran's day off from work.

Week two of NaNo is notorious for tripping people up. The beginning excitement is gone and your novel has stagnated. And you wonder what the hell you were thinking. Just like I am now.

Don't get me wrong. I'm still writing every day, just not as many words as needed to make the goal. And I plan to continue writing every day. Because, I know if I stop, this story won't get finished and I want to finish it. No, I need to finish it, just to prove I can.

In the past I have managed to catch up over Thanksgiving weekend, so there is hope. Ever so slight hope, but hope none the less.

FRIDAY STIR FRY - Social Media

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I spend a lot of time online - probably more than I should. I rationalize it with the fact I live alone and it makes me feel less lonely. Plus, I don't do much traveling or fun stuff, so I get to visit interesting places vicariously through other people's posts. And once in a while, I see something that inspires my writing. Also, it's a place to promote my books. Although, I really try to limit that to just a few posts now and then.

I'm mainly on Facebook and Twitter. I do have a Pinterest account, but for some reason, I don't visit often. I haven't ventured to Instagram or other places yet. I like the slowness of Facebook over the wham bam of Twitter. I use Hootsuite as a filter, but it's still too fast. I know, I know, I'm getting old. You youngin's are just too fast for me.

And, yes, I'm one of those people who play the games on book face. But, at least I filter them so I'm not bugging people who aren't wasting their time playing.

How much time to you spend online and what sites do you prefer? I would love to know. Maybe I'll discover a new place to waste away the day.

FRIDAY STIR FRY - Labor Day - Writing Day

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It's Labor Day Weekend. Three days to be me. That needs to be writer me. Not lazy me, not laundry me, not Netflix me. Well, maybe a little Netflix. I had three days off last weekend, but didn't get anything written. In my defense, I was drained from work drama. (see last week's post)

Saturday will be somewhat of a writing day. I have a writer's meeting that will take up most of the day. Hopefully it gives me inspiration. But usually after these meetings, I don't write. I think it has to do with writer overload. Don't get me wrong, I love being around my author friends. But when I spend most of the day talking about writing and listening about writing techniques, it can sometimes wear me out. And then writing ends up being the last thing I want to do. A nice cold beer at my watering hole is usually what happens.

That still leaves Sunday and Monday to make up things and put them on paper. I have some Starbucks cards that will be used.

**Follow up from last weeks rant. Be careful who you trust. And you can't trust anybody at work.      Voodoo dolls help.

FRIDAY STIR FRY - What a Mess

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I rent my house. I know all the detractors out there who say I'm wasting my money, I should buy a house. No, I shouldn't. I'm single and don't have the resources, the tools or the skill to make repairs. Because I rent, when something goes wrong, all I have to do is call my landlord. And, I'm lucky, he gets right on things. I know some landlords aren't that cooperative.

I let some things go too long this time, though. It's just such a pain to have him come over and do repairs. He's a man after all and they are really good at making a mess. I have to leave the back door unlocked because he doesn't have a key and in my neighborhood that's asking for trouble. I had about 3 pretty major things that needed attention, from a leaky faucet, to a rotting bathroom floor, to the kitchen ceiling falling in.

All week, he has been there. My kitchen table and chairs are in my office, along with the curtains, pictures, etc. He decided to put up sheet rock. And of course, like I pointed out being a man, didn't think to put anything over the kitchen door opening when he sanded the mud. Yep, now I have sheet rock dust everywhere. My first thought was my lap top, my writing instrument, my lifeline to the world. Luckily I'd closed it the night before, but there was dust laying on it. And I feared there was dust in the ports. But, all seems okay. I haven't been able to cook either because of the mess. Although, to be honest, I haven't minded that so much.

I probably shouldn't be complaining, after all, things are getting fixed. And this too shall pass. But, you all know, I love to bitch.

Have you lived with construction work and how did you handle it?

FRIDAY STIR FRY - Busy Week

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So much has happened this week. Much more than usual in my normally calm life.

First, I received my proof copy of Beyond The Horizon from Create Space. I'm not gonna lie, I shed a little tear. To finally hold my book in my hands was the most amazing feeling. I checked for errors and finding none, I approved it. So my book is now available on Amazon for Kindle and in paperback. If you want to purchase, just click the cover on the side bar.

My 60th birthday was this week. I know, I can't believe I'm that old either. I don't think I look a day over 59. My son and daughter in law gave me a die cutting/embossing machine for my other love, scrap booking. And the writer tee shirt I ordered for myself came in. I received some flowers from a couple of good friends. And best of all, I've had the last three days off work. I haven't been a bit bored. I've gone to cafes, coffee shops and the library. I've done some much needed cleaning and some much needed writing. I could so totally not work.

And speaking of writing, I'm finally getting back to my work in progress. Although, it's been a bit tough. This thing starts out pretty good then goes every which way. Going to take a lot of patience on my part to get it back on track. But, it will happen. I need to get another book out there.

Now, I'm going to enjoy the rest of my time off.

What do you like to do when you have some time off?

FRIDAY STIR FRY - My Life As A Writer

A writer friend of mine wrote a couple of blog posts about her life as a writer. She is living my dream - stay at home and write. She even has a house keeper and a husband that will sometimes cook dinner. You can read her posts here:
http://carabristol.com/2015/03/a-week-in-the-crazy-life-of-an-author-part-1/

So, I thought I would give you some idea of what my writing life is like.

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What you see in this picture is pretty much my life 8 to 5 Monday through Friday. Our office is a little different, but I bet you get the idea. Glamorous right?

Because I'm not a morning person, there is no early writing. My day starts with me falling out of bed about ten minutes after seven. Notice I said work starts at eight? Thank goodness I'm low maintenance, I don't live too far from the office, and there is coffee at work. Quick shower, dress and out the door by 7:40.

Nine hours later, I'm headed back home. My brain is so tired I sometimes have a hard time unlocking the back door. Kidding, but again, I bet you get the picture.

Next is a well deserved cocktail while watching the nightly news.
Sometimes, I feel a little better and open up my work in progress and write a few hundred words. Most nights though, I don't get out of my recliner until time for bed, usually around 9. What no dinner? Yep, some nights I'm too tired to fix anything.

So when do I write? Weekends. And if I feel like lugging my laptop to work (which isn't often), I'll get a few words during lunch.

Sadly, all this doesn't translate to creating a lot of books. But, it's what it is until I can live my writer friend's life and stay home. Although, I'll probably never have a house keeper and forget that whole husband thing.

FRIDAY STIR FRY - Writing and Other Stuff

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Winter still has a stranglehold on us. Barely above zero today and this weekend - snow, freezing rain, sleet, regular rain. They keep saying Spring is just around the corner. I think it wasn't looking when it tried to cross the street and got ran over by a bus.

So my big plans for Saturday and Sunday - writing and editing.
(and let's be honest - probably some Netflix)

That's my plan, but as we all know, the best laid plans and such. I need to finish a 750 word story for Sleuths' Ink quarterly contest. It would help if I could figure out who dun it. I'm also putting together and editing some of my short stories for a secret project. More on that later. And, of course, I'm still struggling to finish my second novel. That sucker is killing me. 

And speaking of killing, 9 people, including the shooter, dead this morning in a small town about 90 miles from here. What the hell is going on? That's close to 20 people killed in and around this area in the last two weeks. Many of them are being blamed on domestic violence. It is a well known fact this part of the country is a hot bed for abuse. But, I've never seen anything like this. Yesterday our state auditor shot himself. So disturbing and sad. 

My book, Beyond The Horizon, deals with an abusive relationship but at least there is a happy ending. Not for these poor people and their families. 

Perhaps cabin fever is playing a role in all this. Another reason for Spring to hurry up, please. 

   

  

FRIDAY STIR FRY - What The Heck?

"What the heck was I thinking?'
"What the heck are you thinking?"
"What the heck is up with this weather?"

Sometimes 'heck' gets substituted with 'hell'. Same meaning, just a little stronger statement. (I bet most people in the eastern United States are saying it a lot).

I utter this statement after a night of too much partying and I'm paying for it with a queasy stomach and headache. Plop, plop, fizz, fizz, oh what a relief it is.

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Other times it's just because I should have spent my time more wisely, like writing instead of watching another re-run of Murder She Wrote. It's not like I don't know how it's going to end. Jessica always gets her man.

Lately I've said "What the heck is going on?" because our usually non violent city has gone nuts. In the last few weeks a police officer was shot in the head (he survived but is facing extensive rehab), a mother and son were shot and killed, a couple were found shot in their home, a police officer shot and killed an unarmed man, and just yesterday three people were found in a burning home, apparently all shot. Also, there have been some stabbings and such. What the heck??? I blame it mainly on drugs, gangs and too many guns. But, that's just my opinion. 

So, while we are all waiting on Spring, let's calm down, take a breath and repeat after me "This Too Shall Pass." (I hope)

FRIDAY STIR FRY - Bad Knees - Not Bee's Knees

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Some of you may remember or heard the saying "That's the bee's knees." Basically it means, something is great or fantastic.


But, I'm not talking about anything like that today. I'm talking about my bad knees. I try not to dwell on the pain I experience every day because of bone on bone arthritis. I can remember my elders talking about the "Big A" and thinking they were just crazy. Now I know what they were talking about and boy I wish I'd been more compassionate back then.

I've dealt with this for about 10 years now. My doctor didn't want to replace my knees because of my weight, thinking recovery would just be too hard. I've had cortisone shots and other stuff done. All temporary fixes. And even with my best efforts in the past, including exercising, eating really healthy, Weight Watchers and other programs - I haven't been able to lose the weight. I think it's a hormonal imbalance, but what do I know. I don't have a fancy degree on the wall.

Today has brought a whole new level of pain. Don't know what happened last night, but my right knee popped as I walked to the kitchen and now it's swollen, sore and won't bend. And my really bad left knee isn't fairing much better. I needed help getting into the office today and except for one excruciating trip to the restroom, I've stayed at my desk. Of course everybody wants me to go to urgent care. I am holding on to the hope that it will be better tomorrow. (that song from Annie just popped into my head)

I hate to talk about this. Partly pride, partly the fact that it really makes me feel old and vulnerable.
I don't want people to feel sorry for me either. That's not why I'm posting this.
What I hope is maybe I can serve as a warning to others. Keep your weight under control and exercise. You may feel young and invincible now, but believe me, if you don't take care of yourself, you will pay for it.

Don't wait for tomorrow to do something you want to do. You may end up like me, unable to do much of anything. Okay, pity party over. I promise next week, I'll be my usual funny and snarky self.

One good thing - since I can't walk, maybe I'll get some writing done this weekend unless, that is, I binge watch Newsroom.

FRIDAY STIR FRY - January Thaw

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We are in the midst of a January thaw or what we Ozarkers like to call 'Mother Nature's little joke'. "Ha, ha you mere mortals, winter is not over, the worst is yet to come."

I'm going to ignore her taunting cackle, because it is going to be a nice, warm weekend. One that I really need to spend writing, which unfortunately requires time inside.
Ah the sacrifices we writers make.
I'm doing a NaNo, JaNo, no no. I'm reading my WIP from the beginning and editing as I go. I've come to the conclusion that is the only way I'm going to get a handle on this story and finish it. So I have a pitiful 250 new words so far. But, that's okay. I keep telling myself I'm making progress. Sort of.
I hope.

There's been a lot of talk among my writer friends concerning self-publishing vs traditional. Publishing has changed so much in the last few years. It is more difficult to get a contract with a large company and easier to publish it yourself. Which is the best way to go? My book is with a small press and they did a great job with the editing and cover art. Things I didn't want to handle. They have a good promotional department also. But, do I want to continue on that path or try my hand at doing it on my own?
I'm getting ahead of myself. Need to finish the damn book first.

Last week I hosted my author friend Lisa Medley and her new book. I tweeted the heck out of it and I had the most page views ever. Thanks to everyone who came by. I don't know if it was the tweets, the Google keywords or Lisa's fan base, but something definitely worked. I hope everybody keeps coming back.

I'll quit rambling (at least until next week).

   

FRIDAY STIR FRY - Jano Time

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A local writing group I belong to does a thing called Jano. It's based on National Novel Writing Month, but we do it in January. Get it? Anyway, the idea came to pass because one of our members thought November was just too busy. And January has 31 days. It's small peas compared to Nano, but it is a very supportive and motivated bunch. It's not too late to join. Check it out here.
http://sleuthsink.blogspot.com/2014/12/almost-time-for-jano2015.html

I'm attempting AGAIN to finish Coming Home, my second book. I don't know why I keep trying to finish it. Well, never mind, I do know why. It's about a woman who comes back home to bury her mother after she dies in a nursing home. I had to place my mother in a nursing home. It was the most agonizing decision of my life. And for the two years she lived there, I hated myself. I questioned if I could have done more for her. Every time she would ask me to take her home. And every time, I left with tears in my eyes because I couldn't. I felt like that boat - adrift and lonely.

My mother died eight years ago and I still feel the pain of my decision. If I don't finish this story, I may never find peace. Here is an excerpt drawn directly from my experience. Maybe you will see why I have to finish this.

 

As they made their way down the hallway, the woman tried drawing Jennifer into small talk.  It fell mainly on deaf ears as Jennifer took in the all too familiar surroundings. She realized this would be the last time she would see the picture of Jesus with the art light illuminating him from above as if he just descended from his heavenly throne. Or, the fish tank with all the colorful inhabitants immune to the sickness and distress around them, the filter bubbling fresh air into their environment. A "Footsteps in The Sand” poem in a gilded frame hung above the fake mahogany table with a silk flower arrangement, the wheelchairs barely missing it as they paraded down the hall three times a day on their way to the dining room.

 Then there were the sounds, the crying and the moaning. The calls for help that the staff learned to tune out but Jennifer never did. The flushing of toilets and the loud radio and television sets all tuned to different stations creating a kaleidoscope of noise. The smell of defeat permeated the air creeping into every fiber of her body.                                                                

 

 

FRIDAY STIR FRY - Where Is My Muse?

What happened to my muse? Did somebody come into my head in the middle of the night and whisk her away? Then tied her up and put a gag in her mouth? Because she has not been talking to me lately.  No middle of the night wake-ups screaming a story idea to my sleepy self. No mid-shower inspirations. No middle of traffic "oh no, I need to write this down" moments. Nothing. Nada. Zilch.




   
 

There are plenty of writer's who claim there is no such thing as a muse.  You just need to sit your butt in a chair and write. Well, that's fine and dandy and does get words on a page. But, for me anyway, forcing the writing brings dull, colorless words. Stuff that ends up on the editing room floor. True inspiration usually comes other times, when I least expect it, when I'm not at my desk, My muse brings me morsels of delicious words dripping with eloquent prose.

If you see Ethyl (yes that's her name) please tell her to come home. Her writing buddy needs her.
 
P.S. Tell her I have chocolate.












 

FRIDAY STIR FRY - Work vs Art

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So I had a bit of a melt-down at work this week. And let me tell you, it wasn't pretty. I think I scared some people. Which is saying something because I have a bad reputation at work. Word on the street is I don't like anybody and you better not bother me. Both are pretty much true. Well sort of. I don't have close friends at work. There are people I tolerate because I have to. And I don't like to be bothered by stupidity or anal, control freak people. I'll do my job, you do yours.  

For those that don't know, I work in a social welfare job. Once in a while it is rewarding. Like when you know you are throwing a life line to a really needy person. That can make all the paperwork and dumbness worth it. But, sometimes nothing can block the frustration that boils to the surface. 

The phone has become my nemeses. I HATE IT! I get about 30 calls a day which I can't possibly answer. So I have voice mail. I specify on my recording to please leave only one message. Do they? No. I understand their need for an answer to their stupid question, but sometimes I just can't deal with it. This week I had stupid voice mail after stupid voice mail. I came close to tears at one point. I juggle three different jobs and when none of them are going right, well you know. 

I think part of the problem could be my frustration with my current work in progress. I failed to finish it during NaNo and I'm having a hard time getting into it. Some people would say put it aside and start something else. I can't. I need to finish it. It gnaws at my stomach and brain. Write me, write me.

Work and art are not playing well together right now. Any suggestions?