So a writer friend of mine received a contract offer from Harlequin a few days ago. Am I happy for her? Of course I am. She is a great story teller and as I've told her in critique group, she has a great voice. Am I jealous? We are told not to be jealous of other writer's success but to be honest, yea, just a little. Why? Because she has the drive and the passion to follow her dream. I on the other hand, am mired in self pity. I'm too old. I'm not good enough. It's too late for me. I don't have any new ideas. I could go on and on. But what's the point? I have a lot of demons. She writes about demons and reapers and all sorts of weird people. I can kind of relate.But, perhaps a little jealousy is a good thing. It can motivate. It can spur you on to become better at what you do. I can't change the past, my present is pretty much unchangeable. Can this little bit of jealousy help me change my future?
On the positive side, I did start writing again. I wrote a 1500 word scene to add to my book. And I have a lot of scenes to add. So I'll keep plugging away. Who knows????? Maybe she will be just a little jealous of me one day!
Honestly, Wanda, I admire you for admitting you're a little jealous. And I think it's perfectly wonderful that you are, because that's the sort of thing that can inspire you to go on and keep trying.
ReplyDeleteIf it makes you feel any better, I had a dream last night that I was in a dance troupe (I feel really guilty for not going to Zumba this week) with a bunch of high schoolers and I kept thinking, I'm 30, I have no future as a dancer, no reason to go on. I'm 30 and I'm done. Because I totally suck at Zumba, but I love it anyway.
I know well enough that the dream is a reflection of how I feel in real life about my writing. I'm scared shitless (can I say that on your blog?) because I'm thinking about finishing that MS I've shoved into the deepest, darkest recesses of my hard drive and not self-publishing it. I don't know why I'm afraid, it's not like I've never gotten a rejection before, but it makes me uncomfortable. And my series is one book away from ending and I don't have any really good ideas for what to do next. It's scary.
Breathe. One day at a time. Keep watching, keep adding scenes. You'll get there.
We each have our demons. Right now, mine are perfectionism and procrastination, while yours are doubt and discouragement. Keep plugging and you'll get through this.
ReplyDeleteGood, thoughtful post, Wanda. If our friends' successes can help spur our motivations, that's a postive! You're a good writer (award-winning,too, right?). Your time will come. Right now I'm looking at a little sign that says, "Dreams Have No Expiration Date." :) Looking forward to reading your new words.
ReplyDeleteI think you're post is right on the mark, Wanda. Jealousy is a good thing, especially when it motivates us to get in gear and produce something. That writer (you didn't mention her name, so I won't)actually completed something she set out to do. We can do that too. Let's get busy. And yes, I think it is possible to be happy and jealous at the same time.
ReplyDeleteI think it's perfectly normal to feel a twinge of jealousy. Someone will alwaysget published faster, get a bigger publishing house, a cooler agent, bigger royalty checks, a movie deal or whatever.
ReplyDeleteYou are right to use the jealousy as motivation. Good luck and stay positive. It'll happen!
Let that fire-breathing dragon of envy kiss your butt, Wanda, as you keep moving forward. You are very talented and you will get there... we all will... when it's OUR time. :-) Hugs and blessings!
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