EVERYTHING'S FINE

 

What kind of emotion do you feel when you look at this picture?

My emotion is regret.  Especially on a fall day, with the wind whispering around the eaves, and the smell of rain, just a promise on mother nature's lips. 

A room full of books, a single lamp trying to disperse the shadows lurking in the corners, their dark tentacles creeping forward, ready to grab the light and draw it closer. 

My past life, clawing at the edge of my memories, attempting to change what's written there. Then, slowly realizing there is nothing I can change no matter how hard I try.

My eyes drift back to the racks and racks of books. Some of them carry memories like mine, while others carry adventures missed. The dim light reminds me of the waning time I have left. 

Sorry, didn't mean to be a Debbie Downer today. It's just the way life is. Sometimes, you have to let it all out.

As I close this letter to myself, I vow to use my time wisely and perhaps something new and exciting will come my way. Or something old will wiggle my thoughts to let me know I had more fun in this life than I realize.

EVERYTHING'S FINE

             I Fall to Pieces

The season is upon us. How do you feel about it? Are you an obnoxious pumpkin spice lover. A sweater and plaid wearing fool?  A drunk football tailgater? Do you own shares in a pumpkin patch, corn maze, hay riding farm? Do you love seeing frost on your pumpkin? Do you love the leaves falling, making a mess?

In case you haven't figured it out yet, I hate fall. Give me a hot summer day with a glass of iced tea in my hand. I can hear you all shaking your heads. "She must be crazy." But as Sheldon would say, "No. My mom had me tested." (Not really. I just love that line.)

Fall, to me, is the beginning of winter. And I really HATE winter. I still have bad memories of the 2007 Great Ice Storm. Look it up. https://www.weather.gov/sgf/events_2007jan12

So, you guys can keep your sweaters and pumpkin spice, and I will put another blanket over me and pray for a short winter.

EVERYTHING'S FINE

 

I'm not a social butterfly. I do not enjoy meeting people. I cringed every time I had to put on a "hello" nametag at some company function I was forced to attend. Siting at the lunch table, making small talk with people I would never see again, choking down some dry chicken. Not what I call fun. I was always the first to leave, making some lame excuse like "I need to study the handout material".

 

 I like the friends I have, and I don't need any more. I am an only child, raised in the country. I learned early on to enjoy my own company. We seldom attended church and my parents both worked so they rarely socialized. Holidays with aunts, uncles, and cousins I didn't really know, was about it.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not complaining. Being an only child has its perks. I really cleaned up at Christmas. 😊

My son is always urging me to get out of my room, meet people and participate in the activities they have planned every day. I tried Bingo. No thanks. Nothing like a bunch of nearly deaf old people, with poor eyesight, trying to play bingo, to ruin a perfectly good napping day.

 Luckily, my son has mostly given up trying to make me socialize. If I ever get lonely, I have the aides

leave my door open so I can hear others making noise.

I'm retired. I deserve to do what makes me happy. None of which include being social.

EVERYTHINGS FINE

 

Let Us Entertain You

I watch a lot of tv. Always have. But now that I live in a nursing home, I spend much more time watching the "idiot tube". Older peeps will know that phrase. I am looking forward to some new and some old shows this fall.

I'll start with the new. Matlock. Love Kathy Bates. Such a talented actor. Her role in Misery almost made me not want to become a writer.  😆   Plus, I still watch the original Matlock. I'm not expecting it to be the same, but maybe some nod to the original.

Next, Elsbeth. I know it's not new but, I somehow missed it last year. I watched an episode last night and loved it!

I don't watch many reality shows. Two of them are Survivor and The Voice.

And now that I have blue tooth headphones I can't wait for those two.

Do you have any favorites or new shows you can't wait for? Comment below.

EVERYTHING'S FINE

 

Reading

A few nights ago, I watched Amy Poehler on The Tonight Show stating she made a commitment at the first of the year to read 50 books.

WOW

There is no way I could do that, even with all the time I have on my hands now. Plus, I'm addicted to true crime tv shows. What can I say. I like seeing how we kill each other and why. 😃

She brought a few with her and described them. There was a mixture of auto biographies and fiction. She admitted she had read one or two children's books. I'll give her that. Some of those are pretty good. She has read 30 as of August. Will she succeed? Not if she really reads her next selection. War and Peace. Not exactly on The New York Times list. She said she picked it because men she dates eventually ask her if she has read it. Weird. I wouldn't be able to read that in a year let alone a few weeks. But good luck to her.

I have a friend who pledges to complete a certain number of jigsaw puzzles in a year. Have you ever made such a commitment? I would love to hear about it. Comment below.

EVERYTHING'S FINE

 

Question Everything

I had a conversation with somebody the other day about the upcoming election. I don't want to use this forum to drown you with election hype, but I thought this was interesting enough to share.

They first said they wanted to ask me something because I was smart and knew what was going on. Flattery will get you everywhere. 😁

They wanted to know what I thought of Trump. I'm always curious to why people like him, so I asked, "Why do you like him?"

They sighted inflation worries and the growing promiscuity of women on social media. They said they trusted the Bible that a woman was here to help man and follow his advice. 

I let that slide because I refuse to argue about religion. Everybody has their own beliefs and are entitled to them. So, I decided to discuss inflation.

"I've lived a long time, and I've seen inflation come and go." {remember gas lines and rationing in the 80's?}

"Plus, we were dealing with Covid which was worldwide and disrupted commerce bigtime. It took 

a while to get everything going again. Corporations lost profit and raised prices like they always do.

How the politicians deal with it is what you should consider."

I told them to do some research and don't just listen to ads. But, most of all, vote

How do you decide who you vote for?

EVERYTHING'S FINE

 FAT RAT BASTARD

You may or may not know, I currently live in a nursing home. And, no I haven't seen any rats, but I've heard a lot about them from the guy across the hall. At least once a day, he yells it. Sometimes adding other choice words that I won't mention here.

Why does he yell this colorful phrase at the top of his lungs? I don't know and none of the staff I've asked know either. Maybe he knows and maybe he doesn't. It's fun to speculate, especially the writer side of my brain. Here are some of my guesses.

He lived in New York, trapped rats, and trained them to terrorize tourists.

He was in a motorcycle gang and that was his nickname.

He was a Native American in a previous life and that was his horse's name.

What do you think?

FRIDAY STIR FRY

 

Motivational Crap

I used to buy signs like those pictured above. Some were handmade usually purchased at flea markets and craft fairs. Some were store bought. They adorned my walls and sat on my desk and did their best to keep me going.  

                           ********

Most of us remember this one. It was probably one of the first to be sold in large numbers and hung on many a teenager's walls.

********

In the last few years, I've been downsizing my life and my possessions. I am now living in a nursing home and my space is limited. The only quote I have now is this one. 

My mousepad.

Do you have a favorite quote? And has it helped you push through a rough patch in your life's journey?

Comment below.

Until next time, hang in there.

FRIDAY STIR FRY - Another Story From The Hood

 

I've missed posting the last couple of weeks. Why? Well, since I retired, I lose track of my days. They all just kind of melt into each other. Usually by Sunday I realize I missed Friday somehow. Today I remembered what day it is. Congrats brain. Anyway, here's another story from the hood where I used to live. 

One night after dinner and a couple beers at my favorite watering hole, I pulled into my driveway. My headlights illuminated what appeared to be somebody sleeping on my front porch. I always entered my house by the back door, so I got in safely. I cracked open my front door and sure enough some guy was laying on my porch. He had his head propped up against my storm door like it was a headboard. I closed the door and called 911. 

"What's your emergency?"

"There is a man sleeping on my front porch."

"Is he breathing?"

"I don't know." 

"Is he bleeding?" 

"I don't know and I'm not going to check."

I lived just a block from an ambulance station so that's who they sent. I cracked my door again so I could listen. They shone a spotlight on him and shook his shoulder. 

"Hey man. Wake up."

"Leave me alone. I'm tired."

"I understand you're tired, but you are trespassing on somebody's property. You can't stay here."

He slowly sat up and a beer can rolled off him onto the porch.

"How many beers have you had?"

"Just a couple."

"Uh huh," the other attendant muttered.

He shielded his eyes from the spotlight still shining on him.

Now, it just so happened the television show COPS was filming in my town.

"Am I gonna be on COPS?" He sounded rather excited. 

The ambulance attendants could barely stifle their laughter. I covered my mouth because I had to giggle.

"No man, you're not going to be on COPS. You need to get up and move on down the road."

"Okay, okay. Where's the nearest Brown Derby, man?" (that is one of our area liquor stores and one was located a block away - which was one of the reasons my street was so popular with boogins) The ambulance attendants gleefully told him where it was.

He stumbled down the street, probably to find another porch to sleep on. I doubt if he had money for more beer. 

I sure miss the hood.

  

FRIDAY STIR FRY: Inspiration

 

Last week I mentioned in my post that I use to live in a crappy neighborhood. 

I miss that place.

As a writer, inspiration  comes in many forms. That neighborhood was full of stories. I had low windows so I could see out them while sitting in my recliner. And man the things I saw. The windows in my new place are higher so sadly, I don't see as much stuff. 

I've decided to share some of the shenanigans I saw at my old place on this blog. 

This first one involves the people directly across the street from me. (many of my stories will involve them)

This family consisted of an older couple and their early 20ish son who had an anger problem. One day I heard the son yelling at his mother to give him the keys to the car they all shared. She apparently was refusing. He came outside and slammed the storm door over and over until it came off its hinges, all the while yelling at her to give him the keys. She still refused. He then proceeded to go around the house beating on the windows. 

He went to the back porch and hit that storm door window until it shattered. He was barefoot. Not good. A neighbor, apparently fed up with the yelling, called the police. I would never do that. I was having too much fun. The police called an ambulance to treat his many cuts. He refused their help, all the while still yelling at his mother to give him the keys.  

And guess what? When it was all over, she gave him the keys. Way to go mom. 

FRIDAY STIR FRY: TOO HOT/TOO COLD

I don't like air conditioning. 

I grew up without it and I'm a summer person. I like it hot. For the past 17 years I rented an older house in a crappy neighborhood and it didn't have central air or heat or even a window unit. And I was fine. I enjoyed opening my windows in the spring, letting in the fresh air. I had a couple of ceiling fans and window fans. I worked in air conditioning during the hot part of the day. If the heat was unbearable during the weekends, I would go hang out at Panera Bread or the Library. And it really never stayed unbearably hot for too many days in a row. 

I really never worried about having my windows open until the last few years. The neighborhood was going downhill with lots of homeless people wandering around and several shootings. And I'm pretty sure my son wasn't happy with the situation. 

Last year, my landlord (an elderly lady), told me she wasn't going to be able to rent anymore. So, I started looking for a new place. 

My new apartment is great and it has air. Because I am getting on in years, I appreciate it more than I use to. This old body doesn't handle heat as well as it once did. But, be warned. You will probably be sweating if you come visit. I keep it on 80 degrees. 

I really, really can't stand being cold.  

FRIDAY STIR FRY: Book Signings

 I don't like doing book signings. There I said it. (Hiding under my desk until the storm passes)

"What?? But, you are passing up the opportunity to meet your fans and sell some books." 

Uh, I don't have any fans except for a few friends and family. I also hate small talk. And I don't like sitting at a table smiling at strangers while they pick up the free candy and bookmarks I have scattered around. And then they move on with barely a glance at my books. I feel like I must give off a smell of desperation. "Please kind person, buy my book I slaved over for years. I know you'll love it as much as I do." 

And my bank account will enjoy the meager amount I will profit from a sale. That last sentence is meant as a joke. There is no money in writing anymore, unless you are Stephen King or Patterson or some celebrity with a juicy memoir people want to read. 

And then when it's all over, I end up packing up the same number of books I brought. But not as much candy or bookmarks. 

Maybe I would feel different if I showed up and there was a line out the door waiting on little old me. 

But, I doubt it. 

I'll keep writing and self publishing, but don't expect to see me sitting behind a table.

 

So, as I posted earlier I am trying to finish a novel I have been working on for years and years and years.

I was doing well until I hit the spot I always hit. The place where I tried to finish it over and over and over. 

This is the result of attempting to finish it during National Novel Writing Month when you try to write 1668 words a day. For those of you who don't write - that's a lot of words coming out of a writer's imagination. And most of it is crap and doesn't have any kind of flow.

Until this point, my novel was pretty good, IMHO. But now it meanders all over the place. ARRGGHH

This is the problem. Writers hate to delete their words. What if they lose a pearl of wisdom or the one part a publisher will drool over. 

So, now I'm stuck trying to solve a jigsaw puzzle. I hate jigsaw puzzles. 

But in Gloria Gaynor's words. "I will survive". And so will this story. 

FRIDAY STIR FRY: WTF

 

                                          Morguefile.com free photographs for commercial use

I just want to give this bunny a hug, but I can't because of social distancing. 

I'm sure I am not the only one experiencing pandemic fatigue. 

This is not what I expected in my retirement. I retired June 2020 when the pandemic was just a few months old. What I heard then from "experts" was this would last about a year, especially if we got a vaccine. Then everything would be back to 'normal'. I could spend time with my son and grandsons. I could spend time with friends. I could hang out without a mask at my local pub and baseball game. 

A year and almost six months later, we are currently in a major surge. Thanks Delta. 

My part of the country has been in the nightly news almost every night this past week. Yep, I live in the backwards Ozarks. I used to be proud to be born and raised in this part of the country. Not so much now. How did we become so stupid. Missouri is the Show Me State, meaning you have to prove things to us. But even though science has proved it, and hospitalizations have proved it, and deaths have proved it, many of my fellow citizens have kept their blinders on. 

I'm tired. I'm vaccinated but that doesn't matter now. Because so many people aren't, I am now more vulnerable. Not to mention my 5 and 2 year old grandsons.

Other countries would love to have even one free vaccine. We have three. What a selfish nation we have become.    

FRIDAY STIR FRY: SPEAKERS

 

Disclaimer: I don't know who this speaker is. 

I picked this picture as a generic example. 

I hope he was well received. 

Morguefile.com free photographs for commercial use

Have you ever looked forward to a speaker either at a conference or a writer's group and been disappointed? 

I was a victim of this. One of the writer's groups I'm in, scheduled a well known person in the area to speak at our meeting. I was very much looking forward to hearing this person, and learning details of their profession which might give me some insight into my storytelling. What I heard was nothing what I expected. 

This person was so pompous and ate up with themselves, it was nauseating. They used their time to tell us how smart, how successful, and how religious they were (which I don't understand what that had to do with anything). No time on procedure or insight into their profession. Questions were never answered directly, but twisted around to point out again how important they were. (or thought they were)

I left there very disappointed. I try to take away something from every speaker I hear. What I took away from this: I will never waste my time attending one of this person's presentations again.  

Thankfully, most speakers I've heard have been both informative and approachable. And I much appreciate their insight and encouragement.  

 

FRIDAY STIR FRY: Time For Camp

 I'm camping this July.

Before you ask where and when and how, let me explain.

National Novel Writing Month has what they call "Camp" in April and July. Instead of the 50,000 word goal they want you to write in November, you can do whatever word count you want. You don't even have to work on a novel. It can be a memoir, short stories, non-fiction, even a screenplay.

I have been working on a novel for at least ten years. I start, I stop, I start, I stop. I read through what I have, make notes, jot down ideas, and then nothing. It's a story I feel strongly about. It comes from a dark place. Putting my mom in a nursing home. A horrible time of my life. I have fictionalized it as a young woman coming back home after ten years to bury her mother. It explores her present and her past. I think it's a good story. I have roughly 40,000 words. 

A few years back, I submitted the first chapter in a contest and won second place, so I feel like I have something worth finishing.

My goal this month is to add at least 10,000 words. Right now I'm reading through it again just to get a feel for the characters. I really want this first draft done so I can move on. I feel it is holding me back from other work because every time I start something new, I think about this unfinished work.

Wish me luck! I definately need it. 

REBOOT

 

I'm attempting a reboot. It's been at least a year since my last post. Not that anybody noticed. 

It's been a rough year, hasn't it. Luckily, I haven't lost anybody close to Covid but, we've collectively lost over 600,000 American souls. Mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, grandparents. Gone. 

I'm vaccinated but still nervous about being around people. Took a chance the other day and went for an oil change without my mask. It wasn't crowded there, so that alleviated my fears some. 

Honestly, I've become somewhat of a hermit. I've been retired a little over a year now. I thought I would spend more time around writer friends and at my local hangout but that hasn't been the case. Of course, the lockdown was to blame at first. But now I use my disability as an excuse to stay home. I am dependent on a walker and driving really hurts my knees. Anybody who lives with pain know these are  legitimate reasons to not want to do things.

I'm an only child, so I'm quite use to being alone. Doesn't bother me most of the time. What bothers me is . . . I'm not writing either. You would think with all this time at home I would have cranked out at least one book. Nada, nothing, zilch. My excuse . . . desk chair uncomfortable, no ideas, Dateline is coming on. Not good reasons. 

So, it's reboot time baby. 

FRIDAY STIR FRY - Bear Of A Year

 

This has been a bear of a year. I think we can all agree on that. 

I remember when 2020 started and we were all laughing at the videos of Barbara Walters saying "This is 2020." Now, I'd like to kick her in the teeth. 

So much sadness and uncertainty. I admire people who have made the best of this. The small business owners who have managed to find ways to survive. The parents managing to work from home and at the same time, school their kids. The doctors, nurses, and first responders who have kept fighting this disease, sometimes against impossible odds. The scientist working so very hard to save us all. 

These times have certainly brought out the best in people and the worst. But, somehow we have managed to keep our heads on and muddle through.  

None of us know when things will be better. Everybody says they want normal again. Not sure the normal we knew a year ago will ever return. But, maybe, just maybe, a new normal will emerge that is better, more kind, and more patient. 

FRIDAY STIR FRY: Where Is It?

 I thought this picture was funny. Here is this soldier searching for something in the distance and the bird seems to be trying to help him. 

What are they looking for? Perhaps the bird is just looking for fish to eat. The soldier is probably on the lookout for the enemy. Or, maybe not. 

On a more spiritual level, they could both be looking for a purpose to life. Or somebody to love. Or friendship. 

Maybe, like me, they are hoping to find inspiration. It's out there somewhere. 

Actually, I found inspiration this morning while having breakfast with some of my writing buddies. I am thinking of writing a cozy mystery for NaNo this year. I'm a big fan of Murder She Wrote so, I thought, why not. I was having a hard time figuring out what my setting should be and they helped me decide. 

I'm going to keep this inspiration to myself for now. But, stay tuned.                                                          

 

 

FRIDAY STIR FRY - Cooking

 

Are you a good cook? Do you enjoy cooking? 

I am not and I don't. I just never seemed to move past the simple fried foods, lumpy mashed potatoes, and canned veggies.  Even when I followed a recipe, it always seemed to fall short. I managed to feed my family for over 20 years but, none of my dishes have been passed down to their families. My husband was a pretty good cook, but he worked two jobs so I didn't feel right asking him to step in a lot. His mother passed her cooking skill down to him.  She could make a dirty dishcloth taste good.

I can remember my grandmother cooking on her old farmhouse stove. Throwing this in and that in, never measuring anything. And it all tasted wonderful. 

My mother, on the other hand, worked outside the home. We ate a lot of canned goods and frozen dinners. I don't blame her, but that was my training ground. My dad was a cook during WWII and would occasionally cook a big pot of chili or stew. And I do mean big. It was like he was still cooking for a platoon. And it was just mom and me. 

My daughter had a homework assignment to make an ABC book all about food. For H, she picked Hamburger Helper. That pretty much summed up my culinary wizardry. 

I think you need to have a chemistry degree to be a good cook. What spices go with this food? All purpose flour or self rising? What is the best way to cook a steak, etc? I still don't understand the difference between baking soda and baking powder. 

So, if you ever come to my house, don't expect any homecooked meals. In fact, if you want to eat, you should bring a pizza.